Samantha Miller
really tho the fictional character that’s been treated the worst by its writers is Scrat
(Source: riddlemetom, via all-we-do-is-linger)
*dentist slaughters family in front of you*
they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
(via jasonthecna)
do you think if i die now i’ll have enough time to be reincarnated as kim kardashians baby
(via procatsinating)
| (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.) | |
| Me: | “So, where’s your mom at?” |
| Boy: | “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?” |
| Me: | “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.” |
| Boy: | “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!” |
| (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!) |
sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST
(via imnotcrazyimjustzany)
how do some people describe how they’re feeling so easily i can’t even order mcdonalds without fucking up
(Source: m-eg, via godsc0mplex)
